Lighning Bolt Decisions

(AKA) How to Make the Right Choice In Life

By Stephany Mae Robinson

In a perfect world, life is easy. There is never any conflict. We have the most amazing friends and family??? Well, where do you think all of these great character traits and skills come from? Our families and marriages are simply impeccable. I jump at the chance to introduce my new friends, coworkers and random strangers to my parents, my siblings and even my cousin, Eddie...

To all who know me well, your concern began at the word family. Just like the rest of the world (minus the Romneys), my family is most certainly not perfect. But it's supposed to be that way; I get that. Why the sudden emphasis on my dysfunctional family? I assure you, I have taken this path for a reason: 

I must tell you that one of my favorite life lessons has recently jumped out of its storage bin and bit me on the nose again.

Life is Conflict, which is to say, that we are faced with challenges daily. Often time, the challenges are huge, but most of them are trivial. We face challenges within ourselves, in our relationships and certainly with our families. It makes me think of the great line from Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins (sorry for those who feel this is a trendy movie for groupies).

As Katniss finds herself alone, scared and fighting for her life in the arena of death, she proceeds to shoot one of her allies. He responds, "Remember who the real enemies are!" It was in that moment, that she chose to enter the final stage of the climax. Prior to this, her choices were simple: kill her new ally or shoot a lightning charged arrow at the dome. But this is just the outer conflict. She must also choose to trust someone or not trust anyone and assume they all wish her dead. Imagine how the story would have ended if she made the wrong choice.

For those who know and love the story, she chooses to fry the dome instead of her new friend. Her choice breaks down the whole system and the corrupt world she is forced to live in, both in the literal and metaphorical sense.

Now back to reality. This presents two questions...1. How do we know if we are making the right choice? 2. Who is the real enemy?

Question 1-Which is the right choice? I like to pray, of course, but I also know that I am human and screw up on a regular basis. It would be an understatment to say that it's in my nature (have you met my mother?) I also admit that sometimes I'm not in tune with the Spirit like I should be. Life is hectic. I don't read my scriptures and stop to listen when I should. In other words, I don't trust my own judgment. So, I do my best to get back on track and then I use one more gage. I ponder (another crucial part of prayer) and search the choice out in my heart and mind. This is done when I determine which choice is the more difficult of the two. In my experience, the more challenging choice is usually the right one.

For example, I did not want to be a teacher for a time. I ran like an escaped convict when I saw the first open door. I missed my old life, the one where I did not worry about 100 children on top of the 4 I already had. I did not waste anytime praying over the matter, I just knew what I wanted. I also knew life was easier before I was a teacher. I had to go through several difficult detours after that bad choice before I found myself wishing I was back teaching again. Which taught me another thing. God often provides a way back to the path. Just like before, when I knew where I was supposed to be, the return path lit up and happened quickly. It was like someone above planned for my exit and re-entry. In this case, I see the fruits of my labor almost daily. Though it is a difficult sacrifice which I still find myself loathing, I have a passion for teaching. When I no longer feel that drive, the compassion and a fire for teaching, I must choose to let it go.
For now, I am blessed and honored to teach. (I'm back at the same school, but feel more resolve.) In my present position, my family still is the center of my life. I'm lucky to have a boss who supports that. I rarely get dinner on the table at 6 pm each night and the laundry often sits in its baskets, but we laugh, spend time together and enjoy each other's company. We are a family. A new favorite activity is sorting/folding laundry together during an episode of Duck Dynasty. I cherish such nights. 

Question 2- Who is the real enemy? This should be something we think about whenever we encounter a difficult decision. The father of all lies, Lucifer, Satan or Diablo, has goals very different than our own. His aim is to make us feel alone and tear us from the things that he fears most, the family and love. Life is not meant to live alone. Just like Katniss in the arena, we need each other. While it may seem difficult to keep up relationships and strive to find love and peace in our homes, this is the greatest battle we will ever fight. We must accept that it is a battle, for that is what the enemy has determined it to be. We arm ourselves daily with prayer, forgiveness, compassion and trust. It will be a struggle if this is not in our nature for a time, but then these skills will become easier. We will rely on them.

Don't listen to the lies of the adversary or from society. A strong family is more important than anything, even fame, money and a career. It will get easier and we will feel a peace and joy like no other. After great effort on our part and some patience, the fruits of our labors will be evident. 

Final summation- Remember, life is conflict and it is that way for a reason. We are not supposed to be floating down a lazy river when it comes to our families and relationships. Work hard at work, but save your true patience and best work for those you truly LOVE. After you have searched, pondered and prayed, go with those difficult choices. The outcome may surprise you, like a bolt of lightning on a clear, summer day.

The NewTown Kids

There is nothing I can say to change the horrors of this mid-December tragedy. While the rest of us are asking why, I can only share my limited insight into mental illness and what I know about suicide and depression.

I personally know a few crazy people (myself included to a degree:). They actually exist in my family, just like most families, really. We have a history of clinical depression, suicides and a very passionate line of mentally-ill people on my mother's and father's side. Thus, without an inkling of chance, my parents came together in holy matrimony. Dad was a Vietnam war veteran (with uundiagnosed PTSD from the war) who would eventually die a painful death via leukemia. Mom was running from her mildly mentally-ill parents at the tender age of 19 whilst in the process of annulling her first marriage to a deployed soldier whom she hardly knew. Of course, Mom and Dad had six kids in seven years and moved them constantly from one end of the west coast to the other. It wasn't a pretty 13 years of marriage. They separated at least three times, fought violently and were in the middle of a nasty custody battle when Dad passed suddenly from internal bleeding. I was a week shy of 12. Though I love and adore both of my parents, I think they each would admit to an imbalance in their minds.

But that's another story for another day. I'd like to focus on my mother. I feel grief for her trials, but struggle to completely forgive her due to the emotional and mental abuse I experienced as a child. Let's just say that she stroked my hair gently on some days, but then called me explicatives of a feminine nature on a regular basis. That's just the mild stuff. Again, I have gone off on a tangent. Let's get back to the present...
Just recently divorced from #6, she does not function in society. While she goes from one person in the family to another, or finds another low-life to take her in, she was recently denied disability due to her mild mental illness from the government. She's 62 and does not have the ability to work. She's lived with most of her five living children, but this is difficult as you can imagine. Besides the financial burden, life is impossible when she's in your home. For example, besides opening mail and such, she uses the word "retard", makes fun of fat people in front on my children and makes snide comments about everything they do. I know the commandment to honor thy Father and Mother, but this is no cake walk for me...
Where do people like her (or even worse cases) exist in this world? What scares me is that this was the very same case for 20-year old Adam Lanza.  I am certain he was a young, bona-fide psycho, and mad as hell about it. He likely showed signs of mental-illness and had a history of dark tendencies. While he should have been under the constant care of a doctor in some peaceful facility, he was left to fend for himself alone under the care of a mother who likely had her own problems to battle.

Now there is an entire classroom gone, and a lineup of heroes who will not be influencing and teaching the future leaders of America.

Another part of this troubles me: the broken home of the shooter. I know that broken homes are common today more than ever, but why have we not improved in our methods in this area as a society? Adam was a product of divorce and appears to have had little to no bond with his estranged father who lived in another town with a new wife. While his older brother appeared successful, I am sure there were many holes in their relationship as well. None of this is anyone's fault, but where do loners without a friend or a role in society go, especially young boys? I see the gaping holes in these young men's hearts without a model to follow. As a teacher, it is all too easy to see the ones without a father or at least a loving father, in their lives.

I am just as much baffled as I am angry. Just because you are a loner without anyone to learn from doesn't excuse the behavior. We all have the innate sense to learn from the mistakes of our parents and make ourselves better, not worse. Broken or not, this young man made a premeditated choice to kill and kill hundreds. I wonder what he did with his free time. The parent and teacher in me thinks he had a fascination with guns and violent video games and /or television programs.

While I feel a great amount of sorrow for the 27 lives taken (not counting the killer), I feel greater sorrow for his mother, father and family (whether they survived or not). Imagine waking up one morning and owning the fact that you are the parent or relative to a mass murderer/suicide.

The whole thing makes me sick. But its the kind of horrendous sickness that will not go away under the less than watchful eyes of our current administration. This cancer in our society will continue without proper treatment. As it stands, I do not want their free healthcare or their bailouts. I want a solution and I want to feel like I'm sending my children to schools where it's at least safe. While security is part of the discussion, who will cover the costs when their is little focus on education or security? What most people fail to comprehend is that schools are basically non-profit with barely enough funds to pay the teachers, produce adequate supplies and keep the utilities on. What's more, this school involved in the shooting actually had more security than most. As a fellow teacher, I am concerned about our schools, the destruction of the family unit and our society. The security of the soul in a loving home should be the greatest concern.

My heart has been wrenched, ripped out and thrown on the floor. I feel guilty that I get to hug my four  children this Christmas season while 20 other sets of parents do not.  God Bless them and the families who lost a teacher or staff member at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. America is mourning and praying for you and with you.

In the end, we must focus on the hope this tragedy provides. Several teachers and administrators took action and saved lives. One child even found some unknown survival skill and played dead. While she is alone and leaves a classroom behind, she is the one innocent life that brings just a touch of peace and warmth order back into our damaged, bitter hearts.